Heaven's Child

To anyone who is hurting due to miscarriage or infant loss...

Here is my story of miscarriage. I share it in hopes that something within my story might be of some comfort to you.

When my husband, James, and I experienced a miscarriage over 20 years ago now, it was a very lonely time. I remember feeling so helpless. No one knew what to say and no one seemed to understand our need to mourn this child. I felt that no one could relate to our pain.

I remember sitting in my porch swing feeling such a need to hold the baby and rock him and tell him I love him. So I started to write this song, “Heaven’s Child”.

I wish your mom and dad could hold you
and your sister and brother could play with you
but someday, I know that we’ll be there with you

‘Til then
Your grandma will rock you
and your grandpas will play with you
and Abba-Father promised He’d take care of you

No tears in heaven
No pain in heaven
Only joy in heaven
My heaven’s child
There’s peace in heaven
And rest in heaven
You’re with Jesus in heaven
My Heaven’s Child
And Abba-Father promised He’d take care of you

© 1994 by Deanna Arnold

During the days that followed our miscarriage, I felt such a need to know why this had happened. Although unplanned, we had accepted this child as a gift from God and looked forward with anticipation to his arrival. Our daughter read to him, and she and her brother both bonded with him. Then, when we experienced this miscarriage, we had a hard time understanding why God would send a baby just to leave us in such a way. It was very difficult.

We wanted to name him. I say him, not because the doctor told me it was a boy, but because I just knew it in my spirit. I have a picture of him in my mind, as I did then, playing at the age of about 18 months. He has green eyes and light brown curly hair. That image of him gives me comfort. Music has always been a big part of our lives. We chose the name Gabriel because we wanted to give him the gift of music as a part of us to take with him. Whenever I prayed for him, however, the name Benjamin was always in my mind, so I felt God had named him Benjamin. We decided that his full name should be Benjamin Gabriel Arnold.

I searched the scriptures for some relation to Benjamin, thinking this may be God’s way of telling me why this had happened. What I found instead was God’s way of letting me know Benjamin was all right.

“About Benjamin he said: Let the beloved of the Lord rest secure in him. For He shields him all day long. And the one the Lord loves rests between his shoulders.” Deuteronomy 33:12 (NIV)

Now the image of the lamb, especially the picture of Jesus carrying the lamb on his shoulders, is special to me. It reminds me that Benjamin is loved and nurtured by Jesus, himself. We love the woods, and so I asked James to bury him there. We bought a statue of a lamb to mark the grave, but we decided instead to keep it in our flower garden, close to the house.

We visited the Precious Moments Chapel not long after the miscarriage. It’s very beautiful and God really ministered to me there. There’s a room there with several stained glass windows to illustrate the 23rd Psalm. This picture has a little curly-haired boy with lambs as his pets. He looks so peaceful and protected. God used this illustration to remind me of the beauty of heaven and that all of our needs are met there. My favorite piece of art, though, was the artist’s interpretation of Hallelujah Square. It shows new people arriving, being greeted by those who’ve gone on before. Among those arriving is a couple. They’re being greeted by a happy baby, crawling toward them in diapers. It reminds me of the joy that awaits when we see our baby, Benjamin, in heaven someday.

I always believed that for some reason, God had a job in heaven for baby Benjamin to do… something to do with helping children on earth, and something to do with intercession. But I still longed for a way to “walk this earth” with my son, and I searched for ways to connect with Benjamin Gabriel.

I was blessed with the opportunity to create a program called Gabriel’s Song, which provides musical instruments and music lessons to children in foster care. As foster/adoptive parents, we have found that music can be very healing in the life of a hurting child. Gabriel and I, together, get to help these children in the name of Christ.

Since that sad time when we miscarried our precious baby years ago, I’ve realized that I did, indeed, hold Benjamin (in my womb), and I did rock him (in my porch swing) and I did tell him I love him (by my words and thoughts) while I carried him those few short 10 weeks. I trust that he knows I love him because I believe that those in heaven are able to know and see things about us that our minds can’t yet understand. I didn’t get to see Benjamin take his first steps, play baseball or graduate high school, but I did get to watch him bless children with musical instruments and lessons that would help to heal their hurting hearts.

My faith in God, and the small glimpses of God’s side of this story, were the things that best helped me through the most painful part of losing Benjamin. It is not possible for me to yet understand why we had a miscarriage, but I try to not question any more. I know that someday I will fully understand and that I will be so thankful that God allowed James and I to parent a “Heaven’s Child” who was so important to God’s plan that he was born in heaven rather than on earth.

To those of you who are still in the worst part of the pain of such loss, I hope that you will soon find peace. None of us, even those who have experienced similar loss, understand fully what you are going through, but we understand the pain of loss. There IS one who fully undersands, though. His name is Jesus, and he died to carry the pain you're now feeling. Try to give Him the pain today...even if you have to do it over again tomorrow and every day after. He loves you and He loves the child you have lost.

The Pregnancy and Infant Loss tab on this blog contains resources to help you along the journey. You are not alone.

A Safe Place to Be a Child

Every child deserves a safe place to live. For over 25 years, Coyote Hill Christian Children’s Home has provided Christian foster homes and counseling in Missouri.

As foster/adopt parents, James and I have seen children who need more support than a traditional foster home can provide, such as a need to place siblings together, the ability to serve children with handicaps or the need for in-home behavioral specialists. Many times, in order to get these services, children have to be placed in a residential care facility with shift staff, where they may have the professional support systems, but lack a traditional, family setting.

One thing I love about the ministry of Coyote Hill is that they fill a unique niche in mid-Missouri. They can provide many of these specialties, while at the same time serving the children in a family setting.

My favorite thing about Coyote Hill, though, is the fact that they do all of this in the name of Christ. After their experience in foster care led them to see the need, Larry andCathy McDaniel founded Coyote Hill in 1991. Behind it all was their faith in Christ, and Christianity is still modeled and valued by the staff today.

Coyote Hill served 52 children in 2018, with nine of those children making a commitment to their faith!  Many other seeds were planted as the Coyote Hill staff were the hands and feet of Jesus. 

That is why I’ve chosen Coyote Hill Children’s Home as Because Boutique’s featured “cause” for January. When customers purchase shirts from the Coyote Hill Fundraiser Collection, 100% of the profits will be donated to Coyote Hill. Additionally, 10% of the profits from all other boutique items sold throughout the month will be donated to Coyote Hill.

I've also included Coyote Hill Volunteer Opportunities in the volunteer section of this blog.

Coyote Hill Fundraiser Collection

Grace Drawings $16.99

Don't Quit Adult T $19.99

or

Don't Quit Youth T  $15.99

All Things Sports Kids T $12.99

Sparkle and Shine Kids T $12.99

If you'd rather donate directly to Coyote Hill, see their giving options here.

New Year's Goals

Ok, so I'm not so concerned about resolutions. I do think, however, that the New Year is a great time to regroup...kind of take a look at how my life is going and set some goals to maybe get back on course. I took a look at the shirts in my boutique and found three that stood out as good New Year's goals.

$19.99 at Because Boutique

1. Faith Over Fear

I'll admit, sometimes I allow fear to freeze me. Just a reminder to myself and to my fellow believers, that we can face the future with courage and conviction. because we are held safely in the palm of His mighty hand. There is no person, no circumstance, no force of evil that can triumph over our Lord and Savior.

“The Lord is for me, so I will have no fear. What can mere people do to me?” Psalm 118:6

Who or what is more powerful than our God? What foe, what mountain, what circumstance can stand in our way? When God is for me, whey do I allow fear to stop me in my tracks?

Because of our faith, we don’t have to give in to fear—it’s that simple.

$16.99 at Because Boutique

2.  Pray More, Worry Less

The world we live in provides plenty of opportunities for us to worry. Don't give in to worry, instead, pray according to Philippians 4:6:

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your request to God."

$16.99 at Because Boutique

3.  Trust in the Lord with All My Heart

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding" Proverbs 3:5.  

He sees the big picture, Deanna (and friends)!

4.  Encourage others to Do the Same

That's one reason I love wearing inspirational tees. They are a silent message to those we come into contact with...and great conversation starters for those of us who don't find it easy to share without a little help!

Happy New Year!

Deanna

Christmas Smiles

I have a bucket list.  Some of the items will put a smile on my face.  This one will put a new, beautiful, healthy smile on a child's face!

The Christmas Smiles program of Life Outreach International provides corrective surgery for severe cleft palate defects, providing lifelong health benefits to children struggling to eat and breathe properly.

I am excited to feature the Christmas Smiles program for the month of December and to announce that AT LEAST 10% of all sales at Because Boutique will be contributed toward providing a surgery for a child in need! Additionally, 10% of all Mahalo Ukulele sales at Arnold Music will be contributed to this program.

This corrective surgery is a life-altering Christmas gift that will be a blessing for a lifetime! LIFE, together with their friends and partners, has provided surgeries throughout the last 11 years in cases where children with the most severe cases of cleft lips and cleft palates had no hope for medical care. Without corrective surgeries, many children face lifelong difficulties. Some even face malnutrition due to complications caused by cleft palate.

Devastatingly, parents and families in developing countries will often abandon these little ones because of their facial disfigurements and health issues. 

Together, we can help give a child a new smile this Christmas – a gift that will drastically improve their quality of life!

If you'd prefer to make a monetary donation directly to 
Life Outreach International, 
you can do so here on their website.

The Giving Tree

When James and I were foster parents, there were many years that the "Elf Sleigh" helped to provide gifts for the children we cared for.  The Elf Sleigh, as we called it, was actually The Giving Tree.  The gifts were provided by people like you... Someone who stopped by the tree at Columbia Mall and chose a card, purchased items from the child's wish list and returned the gifts to the mall to be forwarded to the foster parent, who then was able to wrap the gifts and provide additional gifts as needed.

Foster parents often have six or more children in their home, and gifts from The Giving Tree are a great help to them as they attempt to provide a meaningful Christmas to a child who is often hurting from the circumstances in his or her life.

The best part may be that the ones who provide the gifts get the blessing of being a part of helping these children during the holidays!  The phrase, "it takes a village", rings true here.  In the best case, many people invest in the lives of a foster child.  The foster parents, counselors, court advocates, case workers, school teachers and coaches, extended foster family members, church family, and, people like you, who might not even know the child, but want to help because God lays it on their hearts.

Ever wonder why WE get the gifts when it is JESUS' BIRTHDAY?  I think if we give a gift to a foster child in the name of Jesus, maybe even pray over that gift before dropping it off,  it is like giving a birthday gift to Jesus, Himself.  How He must smile!

If you'd rather make a financial donation to The Giving Tree, checks can be mailed to: Columbia Foster and Adoption Project, 3615 Southland Drive, Columbia, MO 65201.

10% of all purchases at Because Boutique throughout November will be donated to The Giving Tree

National Adoption Month

While there are many ways to adopt, the particular focus during the month of November is the adoption of children from foster care, which happens to be the way that adoption touches my life as a foster-adoptive parent.



Our first "Gotcha Day", November 14, 2005

AdopUSKids shares that of the 400,000 children in foster care in the United States, more than 100,000 of them are waiting to be adopted! They break it down by state and share that in Missouri alone, there are over 13,000 children in foster care, and 1,500 of these children have no identified adoptive parents.




For information about how to foster or adopt, what it costs, support groups, who to contact and how to get started, AdoptUSKids has information, broken down by state.  If you're not in the position to foster or adopt, but want to help, there are still steps you can take to help.

My favorite website about adoption is The MissouriHeart Gallery.  It was created to allow children currently in foster care, hoping for adoptive “forever families,” to step from the shadows into the light. I love to visit there and look at the faces and information of some of the children currently waiting.

 



I find it meaningful to look at the faces of these children and pray for them by name. I probably won’t adopt again, but this is something I can still do that will impact their lives. Consider visiting the waiting children page, learning more about these children and lifting them up in prayer.

AdoptUSKids also has a video of young people, who have made the leap from foster care to adoption, discussing the noticeable improvements in their lives. The love and stability provided by their adoptive families made all the difference. 

Christmas is coming up soon, so I wanted to share one of my favorite songs about adoption. Here's "All I Really Want for Christmas" by adoptive parent, Steven Curtis Chapman.

The need for adoptive families is big, but Our God is Bigger!

XOXO♥♥♥ 

Deanna





$16.99 at Because Boutique 

Partial proceeds benefit our local

Foster Care Giving Tree, providing

Christmas gifts to children in foster

care

We, like trees,...

I love fall! The crispness in the air….campfires….s’mores….



...walks in the woods, listening to the sound of the wind blowing through the trees and the leaves under my feet.




My favorite thing about fall, though, is the beauty of the leaves turning. When I see the bright colors of red, orange and yellow, I feel as if nature is pointing to the glory of God. I can’t wait each year for the peak of the fall colors! Many years, we have taken family photos amidst the fall foliage, and I have many fond memories of day trips to the trails at Mark Twain Lake.



(I'll just put this right here since November is National Adoption Awareness Month :)

Peak seemed to come late this year, though, and a few weeks ago I feared that this fall wouldn’t be as pretty as I had hoped. Many of the leaves were turning brown and falling without the color display we are accustomed to.

I asked myself the other day about what spiritual comparison might be made when the fall colors aren’t as brilliant. I have heard that less rain is the cause of this, so I gave some thought to what our spiritual “rain” might be. Probably, I decided, the nourishment from God that comes from studying His word and maintaining a close relationship with Him.

We were created to worship God… to reveal His glory….to let His love shine as brightly as the most colorful trees. If we don’t accept the “rain” He offers, are we like the trees whose leaves wither and fall with no color?

If our “tree” does reveal beauty before losing its leaves while the 50 or so trees around us fail to do so, does it cause us to stand out more? …to look even more beautiful to those who observe? Does it make those who watch us want to see more of God’s beauty?



Do the “trees” (people) around us that might have displayed beauty last fall want to do what they need to do to have a more colorful display next year? Could our “rain” (spiritual nourishment) also be of benefit to the “tree” (person) next to us?

Regardless, I want to be like the tree that boasts of God’s glory…not the one that dried up without pointing others to God. And I’d like to be able to enjoy witnessing other “trees” do the same.




As it turned out, this fall has proven to be just as beautiful as those I’ve loved in the past, with the trees bursting with beauty as they declare the goodness of God!

Just as I love gazing upon a wooded area full of colorful trees, I imagine that our Creator loves looking down upon His disciples that have received the nourishment He has to offer and by doing so, show all those who observe how awesome He is.

$16.99 at Because Boutique